The Authoritative Guide to Poland

Updated 2006-01-26

Recently I heard that some pole who was kicked out from Nokia due incompetence has been writing foaming hate pages about Finland. I haven't bothered to read his ramblings, but it certainly got me interested about Poland. Here is my thoroughly researched document about Poland. Read this and then you know why you should ignore Poland and poles altogether. It's not a long story. There isn't much to tell about an insignificant country.

First I knew almost nothing about that little country, just that it was one of the Eastern european communist vassal states. So I decided to find out the truth about Poland. And the truth is, shortly, that Poland is still like one of the old commie satellites like Rumania or Bulgaria.

So, no one should bother traveling to Poland. If you really have to go into an old communist country, rather choose Russia - it is much richer and actually offers interesting sights to tourists.

History of Poland

Historically, Poland has always been part of Russia, Prussia, Austria, and other countries. Poland has never really been independent. It has always been groveling to East, West, or whatever superior country has been the most powerful at the time. I think they are currently kowtowing to USA.

At 1939, poles found out that cavalry armed with swords is not very efficient against German tanks. Poland surrendered in two weeks. These were sad times, and not even poles deserved what followed; it's the one (perhaps the only) time of which we can feel sympathy for this poor country.

So, at 1945, Poland was one of the "winners" of WWII. Compare this to one of the "losers", such as Finland...

After nearly 50 years, communist government was finally replaced by what seemed like bickering factory workers who couldn't organize their way out of a wet paper bag. The country plunged into even deeper recession.

1999 NATO took pity on this little country. Perhaps NATO predicted a need for more nuclear test grounds, to prepare for Iraq?

Since then, no one has heard anything interesting happening in Poland.

Tourism

There are far more things to see in Poland's neighbors than in Poland. Like, there's Lithuania - an ancient superpower - to the north. Why am I not surprised when I learn that Lithuania ruled over the whole Poland for 400 years (1386-1795). :)

Poles

Polish people are called "poles". Majority of them indeed could be described as interesting as wooden poles, holding up a telephone or electric line (which is, by the way, really old technology - phone calls here in Finland are wireless or transmitted via underground optical cables, unlike in some backward countries like Poland).

Food and drink

Why eat or drink anything in Poland, since all its neighbors are far better in all respects?

For example, If you want beer, travel to Czech Republic. The most popular beer in the world is an imitation (true, it is a lame, sad imitation) of czech beer.

Conclusion

More could be said about Poland, but, frankly, I don't bother. It's probably one of the most boring subjects one could devise. Find more in the net. If you care. Most people don't.

Why isn't this document even funny? Well, blame the poles and Poland. There just isn't anything entertaining to be found about such a bleak country. Except the books of Stanislaw Lem.

It's good that polish people don't have Internet yet, so they won't be upset by the truth.

Microsoft doesn't care about that lousy country either:

(Finnish text asks: "Where's Poland?", but it should say "Nothing there. And nobody cares.") It's obvious, though: poles don't use Microsoft programs. They hardly have electricity.


Constructive comments can be written into my guestbook.


(Mr. Niilo Paasivirta)

Since 2003-01-31 (late evening)